Cutting People Off

The thing with cutting people off is that you want to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. What are some dealbreakers for you that you have with partners, friends, even family that you just don’t want to put up with? You may not know all of the answers right away, but it’s not unnatural for us to want to completely be done communicating with certain people in our lives, and in many cases it can be very healthy.

I’ve personally tried cutting dozens of people off throughout my life. I’ve done it in small doses, I’ve done it the nice way, I’ve also said I was going to do it and I never really did, and I’m telling you from experience that cutting someone off cold turkey is the best way to go. But how exactly do you do that? Well, first you need to know why you are trying to eliminate someone from your life. Cutting someone off from your life should, in my opinion, really only happen one way- cold turkey style! Rip the badaid off. Quit the toxicity ASAP; you don’t need that in your life! Let’s take #changeyourcrew to a whole new meaning.

Is this person nor longer bringing you joy?

Are they doing more harm than good?

Do they make you feel less than what you are worth?

Have they constantly been letting you down throughout time?

If you answered yes to more than two of these questions then you need to cut them out of your life ASAP!!!! I don’t want to give the same speech about how life is too short to be surrounded by people who don’t appreciate your value, buuuuuuuut what can I say it's the truth!

Unfortunately I’ve had some friends in my life who have not been very good to me and it took me a while to realize that I didn’t deserve that. I think that’s one of the hardest steps in all of this, is realizing that you don’t deserve certain treatment. One of the first times I decided to cut someone off was in high school soon after I had been treated for cancer. She was my best friend who took good care of me while I was sick with cancer. She started standing me up all the time, or behaving very hot and cold with me to the point where I didn't even understand what the problem was. In my mind though, because she was there for me when I was sick, it was OK for me to put up with her odd behavior. Over a few months I started noticing that she just wasn’t in the right headspace. She had quit school, she had broken up with her boyfriend, she was on the cusp of getting kicked out of her house, and her world was basically falling apart. I felt very bad for her and tried my best to help her out, but she just wasn’t letting me in. I did what I thought was the right thing which was letting her parents know about the mischief she was getting in to behind their backs. I didn’t mean to play snitch, I just meant to help her out. When she found out what I had done she decided to give me a call (I was too afraid to answer so I let it go to voicemail). My friend decided to leave me a long voicemail filled with anger and hurtful words, and ended it with “I hope you get cancer again and die.”

Obviously in the moment of hearing that voicemail my whole world felt like it was crumbling down. How could one of my best friends say such hurtful things to me? Maybe I shouldn’t have been a snitch, but it was no excuse for her to say those things to me. After talking with her family after the voicemail, I learned that my friend had serious mental health issues that she hadn’t addressed. For a moment I thought to myself “ohhhhh this explains it! Ok so then it’s not her fault. Let me give her another chance.” The truth is that I needed to put myself before her. This meant that I needed to think about what kind of friend I wanted to have in my life as opposed to what I could do for her, and truth be told is that she didn’t fit the criteria. I couldn’t help someone who didn’t want to help themselves. I couldn’t be surrounded by someone who was toxic. I didn’t have the energy or the compassion to be friends with someone who was in denial about their mental health disorder. After she completed her time at a mental rehab, she reached out to me to apologize. I was very grateful that she did that. Even though I had accepted her state of being, it was nice to see that she had made her own acceptance and took responsibility for her wrong doings. There was no official breakup between us; we just stopped talking to each other after her rehab. I don’t know anything about her life now and it’s safe to say my life has been just fine without her. And that doesn’t mean that I wish her any bad vibes!

There is no shame in walking away from someone who causes you harm. I do think people deserve to be heard, to be loved, and to be given second chances. It just is up to you to decide how much work you want to put into keeping relationships. I’m not a fan of burning bridges, I’m a fan of maybe just taking a different route. I encourage everyone to reevaluate the people in your life right now, at leas the closest ones to you.

Are they making you happy?

Do they even know what your likes/dislikes are?

Have they shown to you that they value your time?

This can apply to anyone in your life, not just with friends. Now is the time to cut off all lost causes. If someone doesn’t see your worth then they are not worth it!